Who is to blame?

I for one blame myself for what happened in causing my families estrangement. I have publicly apologised and privately, saying that whatever I did I am truly sorry, but it didn’t change a thing in fact there was no response at all.

My crime was saying something to my granddaughter that I should not have said. I remember it so well, we were sitting having a chat like you do with these wonderful little people. She was talking about her Dad, saying that he was mean and never gave her any money. It was like a red rag to a bull for me, as I knew how he was struggling financially. So I replied saying, that her Daddy wasn’t mean at all, that he sent money every month to her Mum to makes sure she had the things she needed. Of course she must have said something about it when she returned home, and that was when we were told we would never see from our granddaughter again, or our son his daughter.

There were other warning signs as well of course.

The last day we saw her she said she had been told to dump her family in Bristol, which we made no comment on. So I suppose I fell into a trap, I suspect our ex DIL, was just waiting for us to step out of line.

There is not one day that goes by, that I wish I could rewind, but in all honestly I don’t think it would have made a difference, the writing was on the wall.

Blaming ourselves of course serves no purpose at all, other than to eat us up from the inside if we allow it to.

I speak to grandparents all the time who are in such turmoil they can not see any hope of ever feeling peace with themselves.

Like myself, what has happened has happened, we can do nothing about the past. We have to come to terms with it and to live for today.

Sometimes when we face estrangement we think we have done nothing good in our lives we loose all self esteem, we don’t give ourselves credit for anything, and we begin the destruction that negativity brings.

I would hope we all did our best as parents and brought our children up to understand the important things in life, and we enabled them to live their lives to the full.

It was ourselves who looked after them when they were poorly, who cried with them when their 1st love didn’t quite work out, we held their hands when needed but let them go to become adults.

Time to stop blaming ourselves, time to look at ourselves  and give ourselves respect and credit for what we have achieved.

We are our own biggest critics, don’t like the way we look, we are never as good as others, it is all our fault.

No it isn’t.

Try looking at the positive things about you.

You are kind, generous, thoughtful, loving, valued.



About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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