To hate is to destroy.

How should we feel, how should we react when we are denied contact with our grandchildren?

The simple answer is I don’t know, and everyone deals with it in their own personal way.

As if I needed reminding I read a comment yesterday that made me think again about the word, hate.

Hate is not a word I use, at least I don’t think I do, but people do use it when they are in our situation.

It is a word that is in constant use with children in the playground, as it is a knee jerk reaction and usually because at that particular moment in time they can’t think of another word.

So do words matter?

As an adult ¬†and an estranged grandparent, I don’t hate those who have caused the separation. If I carry hate around on my shoulders every single day of my life, it will take me down.

Feeling such a strong destructive emotion, only effects you, it doesn’t effect the person who has caused this pain, so it is only you who will be harmed.

Hate is a destructive emotion, one that will eat and chip away at your very soul, you are a better person than that.

Perpetrators of alienation don’t give a fig as to whether we hate them or not, if we stoop to their level they win. They have no conscience and they believe they are right.

The hurt and despair felt by anyone who is apart from a loved one is beyond words, peoples hearts are broken, but hating is not the way to try and heal, or repair some of the damage.

I am not in any way suggesting we all think how wonderful these people are, but don’t destroy yourselves anymore than you are already.




About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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