The cesspit of estrangement.

Once again I have been reading comments around the subject of estrangement and have reached the conclusion that it is very difficult in some circumstances to ever see a way forward.

Both ‘sides’ of course absolutely believe they are right, the side of an adult child or in-law stating very clearly that they feel the parents/grandparents are ‘toxic’ and it would damage the children if they are involved with them.

Then parents/grandparents who say they have done nothing wrong, that they don’t know why contact was stopped, some slag off their adult children publicly ( that speaks volumes ) A variety of mental illnesses gets thrown into the mix, on both sides it has to be said.

It is like watching a ping pong match.


The hatred for one another is distressing to say the least.

One party will blame the other for the way they were brought up, constantly, the other will expect some form of gratitude for they way they brought their children up.

Is that what being a parent means?

I could so easily blame my father for everything that goes wrong in my life, but I don’t. I am the master/mistress of my own destiny. I make my own decisions not always the right ones, but I am human, we make mistakes on a daily basis, its what we learn from those mistakes that counts.

Calling a Mother, Father, Daughter, Son, Daughter-in-law, Son-in-law evil, helps no-one at all, least of all the children.

I know and understand, or I wouldn’t have set BGSG up in the first place, the sadness, the hurt, and yes that ever present knot in the stomach that we all experience but I never have and I don’t intend to start now to get pulled down into the cesspit of estrangement.

Who is actually putting the children first?



About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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