Take it with a pinch of salt.

When you become estranged and alienated from your grandchild you research every single website, forum, articles anything at all to try and find the answers.

As a grandparent you think you will be able to sort things out, to make it all right, it is when you realise you can’t that the panic sets in.

I remember sobbing and sobbing until I couldn’t cry anymore, that awful realisation that I might never see my grandchild again was so devastating.

So I turned to the internet, and spent more time than is healthy, looking up anything I could to find answers.

Of course the first thing I learnt was that grandparents don’t have an automatic legal right to see grandchildren, that in fact if you decide to go down the legal route we would have to apply for leave, to apply for a Child Arrangement Order.

Not that we ever thought of going to court.

We felt that it would be detrimental to our granddaughter, she had to live the life she was given and we didn’t want to make things difficult for her.

We know that when children find themselves in this horrible situation that just mentioning their grandparents or non resident parent ¬†causes them grief. So they learn very quickly to not mention us. It doesn’t mean that they have forgotten us, it just means that they are protecting themselves, we are still in their hearts and memories.

I listen to grandparents everyday talking about the awful behaviour of their sons or daughters or daughter/son in laws. They call them Narcissistic amongst other things. They grab hold of any label that they think may be what the adult children are suffering from.

I totally understand, but I wonder what good it actually does?

It certainly sets off a hornets nest.

If you are brave enough, and I don’t suggest you do, look at websites from the opposite end of this, those who are alienating and they also talk about their parents/in laws as being Narcissistic, and so it goes around and around.

Most of the perpetrators presumably were all brought up the same way, they arrived in this world as tiny innocent people,they were taught right from wrong, they knew how to respect other people,  they grew up in loving and caring families and yet something, somewhere has gone terribly wrong.

(Of course it is important to also say, not all families are that way, and some may have a very good reason to estrange themselves.)

Where does all this hate come from?

I can only think that these people are unwell, their behaviour is irrational so it is almost impossible to rationalise it.

You can’t.

So if you are someone who is searching the internet and social media for answers, be careful, look after yourself, don’t believe all that you read.




About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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