Sucked down the black spiral

Being estranged and alienated is deeply, deeply devastating and it can all feel so utterly hopeless.

We can feel depleted and defeated.

We feel as though we have no energy left, there is nothing we can do to change things.

That black hole seems ever closer.

We have to refocus in the knowledge that after dark there is always light.

If we succumb to the beckoning of that black hole, those that are causing us so much pain have won.

We have to accept that these feelings of hopelessness and desperation are true emotions. It is by acknowledging these feelings that will allow us to eventually come out the other side.

Don’t put on a happy face all the time as though everything is hunky dory, when inside you are feeling far from happy, it will only allow that black hole to try and suck you in.

Acknowledge the fact you feel at rock bottom, and that these feelings are having an impact on your day to day existence.

If you don’t the danger is that you just feel there is no point, no point in trying to make a difference, no point in raising awareness of the emotional abuse of denying contact.

You give up all hope.

Maybe it’s easier that way, then the fear of further rejection is eliminated.

So give yourself time for those negative, hopeless thoughts but put a time limit on them, reappear with  determination and vigour on fighting for your grandchildren and their rights, in other words become pro-active.

Nothing is ever black and white, there is always that place in the middle, the grey area, it is a place where we can make changes. At this present moment in time life is not feeling great, it all seems to be an uphill struggle, but we must remember nothing stays the same forever.

We can become the voices for change.

So connect with people, surround yourself with others who know how you are feeling, join forces and be a force to be reckoned with.

Look for the solution not the problem.

When we are involved in all of this we forget far too easily that there are lovely people out there, kind and compassionate people.

Nothing can beat that human connection.

Are you someone who spends hours trawling the internet looking for answers?

I bet you know every website that is to do with estrangement and alienation, I expect you are a member of many forums and groups on the world wide web, all telling you about something that actually you know already.

Be careful, limit yourself to one or two places that feel comfortable and safe.

Belonging to groups who are raging about estrangement/alienation who constantly call for ‘Karma’ and revenge,¬† wishing ill on the perpetrators is never helpful.

It is self-care you need.

Learn to ask for help, it is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.

Lean on a good friend or family member, especially in those dark days.

Be kind to yourselves and others, it is a powerful thing.

And remember this will pass.














About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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