Stand by your men

Before I write anything else I need to say that Domestic Violence/Abuse is totally unacceptable in all its forms towards anyone.

A new programme was announced last week and in the publicity the opening sentence was this ¬†“Men who pose a high risk of domestic violence are to be given one-to-one support to change their behaviour.”

All pictures that I saw were depicting a  mans fist clenched and a women with fear in her eyes. When you take a close look at the subject of DV it almost always is showing men as the perpetrator.

Support publications to help children who are living with DV in the home talks about how to give support to the children who have experienced dad beating mum.

It is absolutely correct that all children must be supported who are living the nightmare of DV, but what about the children who are witnessing mum hurting dad?

Everywhere you look the portrayal is that men are dangerous.

Where does this all come from?

There are many very learned people out there who have years of experience on this subject, and I am not one of them. Everything I write is just my own personal view, as a women, a wife, a mum and a grandmother. Oh and as a non feminist!

No, I never have been or am likely to ever be a feminist, I believe in equality and that is quite a different thing altogether. In my view.

When you write or talk about anything that is to do with one gender or another, you will get shouted down by opposing views, but on this subject the only people who can openly say stuff about feminism is women themselves. Men certainly can’t, the feminist lobby have a field day.

I can also say that during my working life and now in the running of BGSG I have encountered some of the most vicious, hurtful words and actions from people and the worse culprits of all, are women. The levels that some women will stoop to, including false allegations, make me ashamed to be a woman.

I am sorry if you are shocked by this blog, I don’t normally go off on a tangent but I know only too well that DV/abuse is rife, that children are seeing and hearing behaviour that will scar them for life. Telephones being hurled at dad , verbal abuse every minute of the day at dad , dad being made to look stupid. Children learning from what they see and hear, that this is an acceptable way to treat dad.

I recently was walking behind a little girl who said to her dad, “I don’t have to listen to what you say daddy, because mummy says you are stupid.”

Women must stop this demonisation of men, it will, if it hasn’t already, rebound on them.

Those mums who have sons, do you want them to be viewed as prospective violent men, who will hurt women?

I for one will stand up for the men in my life.

Whoever inflicts physical or mental violence to either sex needs to be punished, but we, and the media must stop making it a gender issue. It isn’t.


An important message to add, children are also victims of DV, vindictive parents taking their anger out on innocent children. Children who are carrying the burden of violence towards them on their shoulders. No child in 2016 should either be witnessing any form of violence or abuse, and certainly not be suffering in silence.








About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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