We like to think about family life through rose tinted glasses more often than not.
The truth is somewhat different, family life is tough and takes hard work from everyone, relationships have to be a two way thing for them to work properly.
Those families who are broken for whatever reason, spend hours and hours trying to work out what went wrong.
What did I do?
In all honesty we often never find out the answer to that question.
Grandparents will often say things like,
“I don’t want my grandchild to believe I am a bad parson.”
Unless you have done something catastrophic, you aren’t a bad person.
I was thinking about my own family recently and we have quite a few skeletons in the cupboard, some family members that aren’t talked about.
I find that quite curious, and I want to know more.
Those individuals who names are not mentioned or are talked about in a mysterious way, I find quite compelling in wanting to find more out about them.
It may be that if I do discover these family secrets, I too wont want to have any connection with them, but it could be that actually I find out that they aren’t bad people at all. That a family disagreement from years ago was nothing and not important at all to the relationship I am looking for.
So, for anyone who worries about being portrayed as a ‘bad person,’ children still want to find out about you themselves, in fact it makes you even more interesting!
Children do want to know about their families, good and bad. It is what makes them, them.
You are all part of their history and identity, part of their DNA.
Family members who are unjustifiably estranged, could well be the very people who are the most wonderful, loving and caring people in that family.
Children are very good at doing their own detective work.