People choose to break contact.

This a study, done by the charity Stand Alone, of people who are estranged from family members, it makes for sobering reading.

The numbers involved are enormous.

Do we know why this is happening?

Is it time to think about our own parenting skills?

I for one tried my best, but made mistakes and I hope I learnt from them.

What I am going to say now may be controversial, and in no way am I pointing fingers, but we do need to look very carefully at our own relationships and question them, however hard that may be.

It is true to say that I know some parents who are very domineering and expect their adult children to behave in a certain way, and become very disappointed in them if they don’t.

They expect their adult children to,I suppose, reflect themselves.

Often parents will say, “Well I never brought them up to behave that way.”

No probably we didn’t but that isn’t actually the point.

When we have children, we hopefully look after them to the best of our abilities, we teach them to grow and to become their own person, to be independent.

We teach them to make choices, now some of their choices may not be the choice we would have made, but thats because they aren’t us.

Who is to say, that the choices we make are always the right ones?

We need to be able to let them go, to make their own mistakes, and to be there to support them if asked.

Of course this is simplistic and certainly isn’t a one size fits all.

I know that families are going through terrible trauma and heartbreak, and there appears to be no answers as to why?

There are many thousands of sons,daughters, son-in-laws and daughter-in-laws who have made their choice of breaking all contact, it is not gender specific it happens to anyone, and sometimes there just doesn’t seem to be any answers, but somehow we have to find the common denominator.



About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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