We need to change direction.

It is always difficult, if not impossible to explain how it feels to be estranged from your grandchildren, and I guess you only truly understand the damage it causes if you experience it yourself, and you wouldn’t wish anyone to go through this ‘living bereavement.’

People will make well meaning comments that can be so inappropriate.

I suspect we would also make those sorts of comments if we hadn’t been through this horrible situation. People are only trying to help,and they don’t know what to say, what they don’t get is the destruction that is taking place within us.

Almost without exception grandparents talk about how they are suffering from deep depression, many are on medication, some going to counsellors, some trying out all sorts of therapy,tragically as you know some just can’t continue.

As grandparents we hope that we will be able to be there and to support in any way we can, to be able to watch our grandchildren grow and to make their way in life.

When that is taken away grandparents are bereft, they have a huge empty space, they are lost.

Whoever we are, we all need to be needed, to feel as though we are contributing to someones life to be able to give love and to be loved in return.

For some, they eventually  reach a place of acceptance. An acceptance that doesn’t mean we have forgotten our grandchildren but an acceptance that if we don’t change our way of thinking we are wasting precious time. An acceptance that our health is suffering as a result.We owe it to ourselves to focus on those who love and care for us.

As I have written before, feeling angry or wanting some form of Karma helps no-one. The only people who are being affected is ourselves. We continue to blame ourselves and continue in reliving the whole situation.

It is completely understandable that we go over and over what has happened, the if only. But we are where we are, we are here in this present moment and we have to ask ourselves how are we going to start thinking of today. Yesterday has already gone, tomorrow is yet to come.

I was reading once again today about someone who is fighting for grandparents rights. Not a phrase I like as you will know.

It is as though some see it as the answer to everything, firstly this is not ever about the rights of grandparents but the rights of grandchildren, but even that is something that I find difficult to see how it would actually work.

I don’t believe that break down of relationships can be dealt with in the courts, it doesn’t work now even for non-resident parents.

If a law was ever brought in, of course it would and could not be retrospective. Children that have been estranged from grandparents for many years, could not possibly be expected to suddenly reunite, what would that do to the children?

It is very different if the children make the decision themselves to seek out their grandparents, that is their choice.

I know it is a contentious subject and only my thoughts.

If you are facing this separation please think about yourself, start to self-protect, your health both physical and mental is paramount, learn to be kind to yourself. Recognise that you are valued and that you are not responsible for other peoples behaviour but you are responsible for where you go from here.

Only you can change the direction.





About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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