Name and Shame?

It is surprising to me how often the title of this blog is said or written.

There are many organisations that actively encourage the naming and shaming of individuals who are causing separation from a parent or a grandparent.

What exactly is that going to do?

True it might make you feel better for a minute or two, but what then.

As you will know I have always come from the point of view of the children, and I can not possibly imagine their reactions when they see some of the things that are written about one of their parents. The children, in most cases, still love both parents the problem lies with the adults not the children.

We all have written things we have regretted in the past, I am sure, but unfortunately the internet carries those words for ever, you can never take them back.

Words such as despicable son, evil daughter, and those are the polite ones, are banded about everywhere.

If I was a child or grandchild and read those things about one of my parents, I would be mortified.

Separation of any sort is always painful, one party blaming the other, but still in the middle are the children, confused, angry and sad.

We know as individuals our own stories, and we know what the truth is, most of us hope that one day a reconciliation of some sort will happen, but if we continue this verbal revenge I doubt that bridges can ever be built.

It is true to say that nearly 10 years ago when I set up BGSG, I had no idea the true depth of hurt and pain that people were inflicting on one another, to the extent where grandparents have ended their lives because they feel they can’t face the world any longer.

Parents also who have been stripped of a loving and caring relationship with their child, do take that final decision that life is no longer worth living.

As I have said in previous posts, no-one has the right to cause so much distress that it ends in such devastation.

So when you think it is ok to name and shame, think about the children, not you, the children.

Others may well be mud slinging but you don’t have to sling it back.

Revenge of any sort is never sweet.

Jane

 

 

About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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