Letter to alienators

Dear Family Member,

We are experiencing a global emergency, not one of us has experienced anything like this in our life time,

It is a time of confusion and of fear.

If you are a family member who has chosen to cut a parent or in-law out of yours and your children’s lives, this letter is for you.

So, at some point either your parent or parent -in -law, has done something that you have been aggrieved about and you and your spouse/partner have cut off all contact.

Of course I have no way of knowing whether there were really good reasons for you to make that decision or not, if it was a safe guarding issue then ok, I understand that totally as your children’s safety is paramount.

On the other hand if it is because you feel the need to be in ‘control’ and you are using your children as weapons, you need to know that life is never going to be the same. Each and everyone of us are and will be for a long time impacted by this crisis.

There are parents and grandparents, feeling very frightened at what might happen, not only to themselves but to you.

As a parent we need to know our family are safe and are ok, the not knowing is crippling.

A mother, father, grandmother and granddad, are quite literally going out of their minds with worry for the family members who have denied them contact.

Listening to politicians saying things like ,’Ring your gran/grandad to make sure they are ok,’ is devastating.

I implore all of you to swallow your pride, do the right thing.

Pick up that phone, and speak to the parents/ grandparents who are living on a knife edge, unsure of the future, unsure if they will ever see family members again, time for you to take responsibility of your own actions.

It is not about the past, it is not about whether they did something in the past, it is about today, none of us can think further than today, today is all we have.

How you react to this moment in time will colour the rest of your life.

Yours Sincerely,



About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

View all Jane Posts


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