“I know just how you feel.”

When people contact BGSG, they are often looking for different things.

It could be they are looking for answers, or to be signposted to somewhere for help or they just need to talk to someone.

Looking for answers is hard, as there actually aren’t any.

Signposting people to different agencies ect is fairly easy.

The talking takes care and thought. It is in fact the most important role.

There is an easy trap that you can fall into, as I have often done myself.

That is to say, “Oh,I know just how you feel.”

Do we?

No, we don’t.

It is utterly impossible to feel something like someone else, because we are all different, the way we think, our emotionally state, our circumstances are never going to be the same as the other person.

They may well be similar, but never the same.

Every individual, needs to know that the hurt and pain they are experiencing is unique to them, because they are unique.

For some grandparents it does help to know that other people have had similar issues, but not all.

Being someone on the end of the phone or email is so important. You are quite likely to be that grandparents first post of call, the first person to hear those words, so vital to respond correctly.

Often it is responding in silence, and just to allow the caller to just talk or cry, whatever they need. We are there to just be a support.

Sometimes as I have written before, some grandparents are desperate and need professional help. If someone is saying that life is no longer worth living or having suicidal thoughts we must signpost them to get proper help.

When I read some sites, it really concerns me of the amount of advice that is written, many comments not helpful and to the extreme can and do cause even more pain.

It is why we don’t actually give advice, it would be so easy to tell someone to do something and it all go very badly wrong.

Please if you feel as though a person you are talking to needs professional help, say so and point them in the right direction.






About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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