Should all grandparents have a relationship with their grandchildren?

Wow, so that is a controversial title but it is a valid question, and one I feel we must address.

As founder of a group who supports grandparents who are denied contact my job is to be non-judgemental.

When I do an interview I receive many emails and comments, and without exception I will get an email to say that, within a particular family things are not always as we would like to think.

We must acknowledge that due to maybe an abusive relationship some grandparents should not be in their grandchildren lives, equally there are some parents who should have nothing to do with their children. I stress that it is a very small minority, but it is still fact.

An email I received yesterday was an example of such a situation, although the parent would love for their children to have a safe, loving relationship with their grandparents, it is impossible. In the past there has been an abusive relationship. The sadness that came across within the email was palpable.

In another email a parent was so upset as they had parents who wanted absolutely nothing to do with the grandchildren, they were considered to be a nuisance.

I know personally how it feels to have a Dad who wanted nothing to do with his grandchildren or great grandchild. My Dad was like that, he wanted nothing to do with me either. The pain and hurt of being rejected is with me everyday.

I always of course reply to everyone who contacts me, it is important as I say that we acknowledge and except that these cases are very real.

As ever the most important people here, are the children, they must at all times be protected from any adult who is proven to be harmful.

Jane

 

Comment:

“Interesting blog! Whilst there are certainly some people I agree who should definitely be kept apart, you have to remember the saying that in any war, truth is the first casualty. Or there are two sides to every story – what do you do if someone spreads a malicious story about you – and cleverly avoids giving you any chance of defending yourself? We recently found a public blog post by our sons other half in which she described us as being a threat to her child and that we had shown no interest whatsoever in him. Both totally wrong but it sounds so completely believable. Yet every attempt we have made to contact her or our son is just totally ignored, not the slightest acknowledgement. We just hit a stonewall. When we bumped into them in the shops one day they refused to talk and run away. Its cowardly to spread a story about you in public then duck below the parapet and hide. This girl is very clever and very controlling. You even start to wonder yourself if they are right after all. All I urge is to be cautious when anyone makes a case for not allowing grandparent access – I think they need to be able to prove any allegation – or at least allow the accused a chance to explain their side, perhaps via mediation as we have suggested. ”

Response: Many thanks for your comment. I absolutely agree with what you have said, which is why I wrote the word, ‘proven.’ ┬áJane

About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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