Grandads are broken too.

I have written about this before on my previous blog, but it is so important it needs revisiting.

The majority of grandparents that I hear from are grandmothers, but in most cases there is one person who is missing in the conversations, grandad.

Often the granddads do get forgotten, and they are hurting just as much as we are, they just have a different way of dealing with their grief.

There are granddads whose hearts have been broken, some say that they have to keep strong for everyone else around them, but if they continue to keep their pain underwraps it will come out in different ways.

We are of a generation who rightly or wrongly had certain roles for male and females within the family, and our menfolk were the head of the household, the bread winners and never showed their emotions.

They now find themselves in an ever changing world where they are not too sure what their role is anymore.

Facing estrangement from a family member breaks the strongest of us all, whether we are grandad or grandmother.

Women always find it easier to talk about personal stuff , most men don’t.

When we are dealing with this family breakdown, it is easy to start to take it out on one another, to snipe and snap occasionally ,but we need to think how our partners are feeling and coping with it all, no-one needs to feel strong for the other, we need an empathy with one another, allow ourselves those times when we just need to be by ourselves or to rant.

Those of us who are married took vows, in my case 43 years ago,’ for better or for worse,’ estrangement is the ‘for worse’ we must try to hang on to one another to face those dark times together, we are a partnership.

Just because grandad is not showing how hurt he is doesn’t mean that he is ok.

Sometimes grandmothers say to me,” My husband doesn’t feel like I do, he seems to have forgotten.”

He hasn’t.

The grandads that I know are as sad as we are, they do want to hide in a corner and hope it all goes away, just like us.

Perhaps today, we need to stop a moment and just hold out a hand to those men who have supported us for so long and say,” I know you are hurting too and I am here for you.”

Jane

 

 

About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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