The photos of you pop up on my screen saver, a little smiley face of that full of fun, 7 year old.
Big blue eyes staring at me for a fleeting moment.
Memories of giggles, of messy glitter and those magical hugs.
When you were suddenly removed from our lives, the sun went behind a black cloud, life was empty and pointless.
All your family members were torn apart and we began the horrible journey of a ‘living bereavement.’
Grieving for someone who is still alive, is horrible, no way of knowing if you were ok, if you were safe and happy.
Everyday you were in our thoughts.
11 years of loss.
The loss of watching you grow up, and the loss of being there when you needed us, is something that will live with us all forever. Feelings of sadness and guilt.
We can never regain that lost time.
In early 2018 I received the call I never thought would happen, your Dad in tears, but this time for all the right reasons, his little girl, now 17, had got in touch.
Those few moments of silence on both ends of the phone will stay with me for the rest of my life.
Could this really be true, could it be that you had found your way back to us?
It is now January 1st 2019, and we know it was indeed true.
Yesterday Grandad and I hugged and waved you off, as you made your way back to the North East with A…..
So many Christmas’s have past, always with that special someone missing from our lives.
2018, there you both were, standing on our doorstep, smiles as broad as they could be, this Christmas was going to be different.
I hope you know now, that we never stopped loving you, never stopped carrying you in our hearts.
To have you back where you belong as part of our family makes life complete.
A complete generation moving forward together, there for one another in good times and bad.
Bristol Grandparents Support Group was set up in your name and will continue to raise awareness of the emotional abuse that is estrangement and alienation. I know we can make changes.
So Happy New Year darling and thank you for being you, you have grown into a beautiful young woman, a caring and loving person, a person who I know will make a difference to others.
I am so proud to be your Grandma.