“A cup of tea and a chat is not enough.”

If I have learnt anything over the last decade it is that we have to be true to ourselves, we have to stick by our principals and beliefs, even when, especially when, others try to unnerve you or make you question yourself.

BGSG are often approached by many grandparents who say we aught to be doing things differently.

The obvious one is this issue on what others call ‘Grandparents Rights,’ those who know me will know that I don’t like that phrase. I believe it is detrimental in so many ways.

Even the word ‘rights’ holds all sorts of different  problems.

I believe that we need responsibility rather than rights.

Over and over again I ask those who are fighting for rights, how they actually think in a practical sense it would work?

As yet I have not had anyone tell me.

Let me personalise it slightly.

If overnight the law changed and I woke up to a law that says I can now have contact with my grandchild. What would I do? Would I write and say, that now I have a law that says I can see them. How would that affect them? It has been 10 years with no contact , is that fair on them, should they even be put into that position?

My response is a resounding NO, of course not. I would never, ever do that to them.

The harsh reality on the scenario I have stated is this. If there was a change in the law, it couldn’t be retrospective.

When grandparents say to me, “You must do something,” when I ask ‘what do you want me to do,’ they don’t have n answer.

Don’t get me wrong, I too face everyday without my grandchild, I too feel exactly the same as every estranged grandparent, the void in my life is and will always be there.

You also know that there are many websites, forums ect all talking about grandparent estrangements, and grandparents will tell us that we should all be working together, and we do with those who want to.

Another reality is this, organisations, groups, charities all have their own agenda. Some have a political bias, some have a gender bias and many are ‘competitive.’

I know that sounds absurd but it is true.

You would be amazed at the amount of back biting that goes on, certainly has been an eye opener for me.

Until the government started to cut back in funding certain charities ect, those who were recipients would often tow the party line.

That is why we are an independent charity, we are free to talk to who we want to, when we want to without going through a variety of committees to get permission.

The purpose of BGSG has always been to give support and to raise awareness, which I hope we have done over 10 years.

It hasn’t always been easy, we have had our share of difficulties, but by sticking by our beliefs and remaining true to ourselves, I hope we continue to achieve our aims and ambitions.

So when someone says, “Having a cuppa and a piece of cake, is not enough.” I am sorry they feel that way, and yes it saddens me deeply.

I suppose that how ever hard you try, it is never enough to some.






About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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