Children of broken parents

If children are raised surrounded by love and care they will know that being in a caring relationship is safe, a good place to be, but if a child is bought up without that love and care from others they can think that no adult can be trusted.

Relationships without that care don’t feel safe and secure, any child who is not shown that affection and unconditional love will find making relationships very hard, they will be waiting for people to let them down and they can try to become self-reliant, only ever trusting themselves.

If children are not given the time they so desperately need and desire they find it hard to solve even simple problems because they have never been shown how. The parent who has never got the time to listen to their child/children are showing them that they have to help themselves because no-one else will. They can begin to believe that relationships are unsafe.

Children need to be taught that everyone is an individual and that we all need our own space from time to time, it is quite normal. For those children who aren’t taught this they will misinterpret if a friend or relation wants to just spend a little time alone it doesn’t mean that they have done something wrong, but they feel rejected.

As adults we frequently get things wrong and children need to learn that it is ok if they also get things wrong, it is how we learn how to get things right the next time.

An unbalanced or broken parent can be super critical and punish childrenĀ  if they get things wrong, they can make children feel that unless they are successful that they somehow don’t deserve to be loved.

For children who are never shown any form of affection they never learn the positivity of a hug.

Parents must tell their children that they are valued and that they are important, in their own right.

Many children who have experienced life with a broken parent will often suffer from depression and anxiety, they will find it hard to form good healthy relationships.

Far too many of our young people have such low esteem it manifests itself in them self-harming or worse.

How we are all parented has an enormous effect on us.

If we haven’t had good role models, people around us to love and care for us we don’t know how to love others, or how to trust others.

These children will always be on guard, waiting for people to let them down, after all it is what they are used to.

They build a wall around themselves and an apparent hard skin, shrugging things off as though it doesn’t matter, but of course it does matter.

It is difficult to know how we can help and support them.

We must try and bridge those walls, to show them unconditional love, show them that you value them in every way.

Those signs of affection that they have never known are so important, tell them you love them everyday, never leave without a hug.

Be mindful not to swamp them, take things slowly.

It isn’t about showering them with material things, it is about the small things, just being there, just listening, by your own actions they will soon learn that you are a person they can trust.

 

About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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