It is one of the biggest fears, that children and grandchildren suddenly stop loving us, it is not true.
The children face a daily drip feed of acid poison when we are talked about from a parent, and yes some of it seeps through, but questions are always there.
Children love both their parents and grandparents, it doesn’t just stop.
Even children who live in an abusive household will say they still love the abuser, they are wired to love those adults in their lives, even if they treat them badly.
We hear all the time of children/grandchildren who apparently say to a targeted parent or grandparents, the most outlandish and adult things, such as “It is detrimental to my health to continue in having a relationship with you,” no child talks that way.
Equally children who apparently write letters or emails to targeted parent or grandparents, ” At this time I feel it is not appropriate for me to communicate with you,” again children just don’t write this way.
Alienated children/grandchildren are more often than not coached or told what to say or write.
“I have been told to dump my family in Bristol,” is not a natural way for a 7 year old to speak.
So many parents and grandparents receive these heartbreaking words and it hurts beyond anything you have ever heard before, but it is vital that you remember that those words are not coming from the child at all.
Once again the children are put in this impossible situation, they want to please the resident parent. they know that that parent gets upset, so they try to make it better. They have no idea at all of the manipulation that is going on.
They simply love everyone.
They have no understanding of the word alienation, and neither should they.
I remember so clearly the day that our son had a letter saying his daughter no longer wanted anything to do with him, and then some years later, the letter that he received in response of a letter he had sent saying that he had a savings account for her, and it was available should she want to go on to further education ect, the response said, “I would like the money, as long as I don’t have to have anything to do with you or your family.”
An already broken man, crumpled right in front of us , as though he had been struck by lightening.
We know now, that none of those words were written or said from a child with free will, and able to use her own voice.
The children will and do find their own voice, we just need to recognise that their thoughts and what they might say are two totally different things.
Your children and grandchildren have not stopped loving you and they won’t, but they need to be able to find their own way back.