Beware of pseudo experts.

I have to admit in feeling low myself over the last few weeks, sometimes things just seem to pile up on you and you have to somehow find the strength to get back up. Hopefully I am on the way up.

Hence the lack of blogs!

Today I was reading some stuff on forums and websites, and it appears there are experts at every turn.

Even some grandparents now seem to be jumping on the band wagon, they talk about the years of research they have done and how they are experts on alienation, and that they know exactly why it happens.

I do believe that if you have been estranged from a family member you are an expert, as far as your own situation is concerned but that doesn’t mean you know the answers.

If only we did.

We are all individuals and therefore it is not a case of one size fits all.

We find ourselves denied contact for many reasons, it can be as a result of a divorce, drug/alcohol dependency, bereavement, domestic abuse in the home or as a result of your own adult children deciding to stop contact.

The end result is the same, grandchildren not being able to have a loving, caring relationship with their grandparents.

It can be interesting of course to read other peoples points of view, but what worries me is the number of ‘experts’ who are also making money out of their ‘research.’ Numerous books are available now, advice sessions and many other suggested therapies.

I would hate for anyone to be exploited in this way, when they are feeling very vulnerable.

As grandparents I think we must acknowledge that not all grandparents are sweet and caring. There are some grandparents who do interfere, who do behave badly and tell parents they are doing it all wrong. As a parent, and we were parents before being grandparents,  they are the ones who have responsibility for bringing up their children and of course want to protect their children, and if a grandparent is causing issues then something has to be done.

I think as parents, if we felt someone was damaging our children in some way then we would do all we could to protect them from that damage.

Of course to stop all contact is extreme, and in a perfect world we would all be able to sit down together and discuss any issues, but as we all sadly know we don’t live in a perfect world.

To learn from other people experiences is very useful, but just be aware of those ‘experts’ who tell you in the next sentence ,’ Oh, and I have written several books on the subject.’

Call me a cynic, yes I am.

Jane

 

 

About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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