Over the last 12 years I have had my fair share of abusive remarks, particularly when I say that grandparents are alienated from their grandchildren, which is one of the reasons when writing my blogs I write estrangement/alienation.
Usually I have to say that it is usually comments from alienated targeted parents, I am frequently put well and truly in my place.
I think I am a reasonably intelligent person, and believe me I do know there is a difference.
It is true to say that some grandparents are estranged from their grandchildren, I was estranged from my Dad, as far as I am aware he didn’t bad mouth myself and my brother, he just didn’t love us at all.
Perhaps I need to give some examples, maybe those who criticise will then cease.
A grandparent was shopping in her local supermarket, around the corner came her grandchild, the grandparent was rooted to the spot, the grandchild looked at her and ran away, saying that she was a horrible person and that she hated her, followed by her parent who said she was evil.
This grandparent had helped bring her grandchild up from day one of the babies life, she had supported the parent and there had never been any issues at all, until a new partner came on the scene.
Another grandparent again who had previously been very close to her grandchildren, had a letter from the children of 6 and 8 saying that they never wanted to see her again, as she made their Mum cry.
A grandparent who lived near the school her grandchild attended, would see him pass her door everyday, at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day, the child would frequently stand by her gate crying, asking his parent why granny doesn’t see him anymore, the parent always said the same thing, that granny didn’t care about him or love him, loud enough for her to hear.
A child who during his ‘Circle Time’ at school asked his classmates what to do, because his Mum wouldn’t let him see his gran anymore, and he missed her, but Mum wouldn’t let him even talk about his gran. This story was told to the grandparent by a child in his class, she was crying when she told the grandmother as it had upset her so much.
Our granddaughter was also told we were bad people and that we didn’t care about her.
If this isn’t alienation, I don’t know what is.
For those who jump on me for saying grandparents are alienated, please don’t.
It isn’t you who are trying to support these broken grandparents, it isn’t you who listen for hours to suicidal grandparents, it isn’t you who receive messages that a grandparent has taken their lives as they can’t face life without their grandchildren.
However, or whoever finds themselves in this hostile place, should be focussed on the children and grandchildren, we are all hurting the same as each other, the result is the same for all of us.
Children and grandchildren are facing life without a very important family member, they are the ones who are hurting the most.