An eye for an eye

I have no doubt that this blog will annoy some people but sometimes you just need to get things out of your system!

We all know that social media can be a curse, but it can also be a great tool, especially for bringing people together who need help and support. There will always be those who abuse the system they can hide behind the anonymity of these places. Anyone can write basically anything they like, it doesn’t seem to matter how abusive or offensive it is. The things that are written would probably never be said in a face to face situation.

BGSG uses social media for the reasons I have said, to enable grandparents who are feeling isolated and alone to connect with others.

Being part of BGSG means that we listen, we support and we are never judgemental.

I find it increasingly difficult reading things that are freely available on social media platforms.

Those of you who have been or continue to be estranged and alienated from your adult children and grandchildren, need places to let those feelings of utter despair out, in my view social media is not the place for that. All it does is stir up a hornets nest.

Posts such as, ‘those alienating children and grandchildren have a place in hell waiting for them,’ for me is more than a step too far.


Well, how are your children/grandchildren going to feel if they read stuff such as this? It is despicable.

However hurt we may be, this is not the way to react.

It makes us stoop to the alienators level. We are better than that, we owe it to the children and grandchildren to be the bigger person.

Forums are also full of this sort of rhetoric, one poster after the other, ups the anti, the posts get more and more inflammatory, this helps no-one at all.

I always am concerned for those parents/grandparents who have just found what they believe to be a helpful place, when they are then confronted with they most poisonous of posts. Many recoil and find themselves once again alone in their despair.

Each and everyone of us, when we first find ourselves estranged and alienated frantically look for a place where we can be supported, and it is a hard lesson to learn when we come across such hateful language, that it may not be the place we thought it was.

It is so easy to fan the flames, people are very vulnerable and fragile, the wrong word or advice can have devastating consequences.

So, when you are looking for places to help you, be careful, remember that you have no idea who these people are, find a place that you can feel safe in. If you don’t feel safe then walk away.

Having just said that we must never be judgemental, actually this blog is judgemental, but not in the way I meant about us at BGSG.

We are not judgemental in a way I have written several times before, but it is always worth repeating.

Being a support group is just that, to give support to anyone who requires it.

To be judgemental would be, as an example like, Alcoholics Anonymous saying that they can’t support you because you choose to drink.

It is never our call to ever judge in that way.

Every case is different, every case is complex, every case has two sides, every case has history and in every case those who have no voice are not being listened too.

We are faced with a world where people have forgotten to be kind, when you are angry, hurt and despairing being kind can be the furthest thing from our thoughts. But no-one said to be the bigger person was ever easy.


An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind-Mahatma Gandhi




About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

View all Jane Posts


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