As parent or grandparents we are only too aware of how it feels to be estranged and alienated, it can be crippling.
Just getting up in the morning can be almost impossible for some, hearing people say thoughtless things is commonplace.
Try to remember that those comments are because those who are saying them, is because they just don’t understand, and let’s face it, neither did we until it happened to us. They are not being heartless they just don’t get it.
There are many voices now shouting out about alienation in all its forms, but there is still a silent and in my view most important group, who however loud they shout are not being listened to.
The alienated children.
As these effected children grow up I hope that they find the confidence of using their voices.
Yesterday I was talking to someone who told me that she had been alienated when she was young and how it felt for her, even after several years the tears still came, whilst remembering.
She had always been very close to her grandmother and spent a great deal of time with her and her grandad.
When she was 6 for some reason she was no longer allowed to see them.
She said she would cry for hours in her bedroom and if she said anything to her Mum about her grandparents she would get into trouble.
Her grandmother had given her a tiny teddy bear when she was born and she always kept that bear close to her, cuddling that tiny bear felt like hugging her lovely grandmother.
She used to love spending time in the garden with her Grandad, they would get muddy, they would chat about how to look after flowers, and then share a ‘cuppa’ in the sunshine.
It was so clear talking to her, her love for them both.
I asked her if she knew why this had happened.
She said when she was little she just knew she couldn’t see them anymore, when she was older she found out that her Mum had fallen out with her grandmother over money.
When she was 16 she decided to send her grandparents a Christmas card, when she told her Mum it didn’t go down too well.
That fact that her Mum had fallen out with her grandmother, she felt, should never had anything to do with her relationship with her grandparents, and she was angry that so many years had been lost.
In time as she got to know her grandparents all over again, her Mum also was able to reconnect with her Mum and Dad.
The action of adults caused so much hurt and pain and it took the child to start to build bridges.
It is the children who will start to use their own voice when they are able, it is their right to continue with the relationships they have in a family, their right to know their family history and their identity.
Kids are doing it for themselves.