A double bereavement.

Every single call, email or message I receive are heartbreaking, listening to the pain at the other end of the phone or within the written word is difficult.

The conversations I have with a family member who not only have lost grandchildren, nieces, nephews or cousins but have lost a daughter, son, sister or brother due to premature death are the hardest of all.

They are suffering a double bereavement.

It is impossible to determine why this would happen, at a time when children may have lost their Mum or Dad in tragic circumstances is surely the very time that those children need the safety and comfort from all the people they love?

A time when the whole family is grieving and trying to make sense of it all.

As human beings we need one another, particularly in those terrible times. At a time when our lives have been shaken to the core we need a place of stability and certainty.

For the children we can only assume how they are feeling.

One minute everything was fine, life was fine and the next nothing is fine.

How do they feel when all around them is falling apart, their Mum/Dad stops them from having any contact at all with all family members?

What can be possibly going through the head of that person?

Of course they are suffering and grieving as well but to stop all contact is cruel beyond reason.

The entire family are grieving each and every one of them is trying to make sense of it all, the pain is equal. One person is not hurting more than the other. Elderly grandparents who can not understand why their adult child has been taken from then, also have to suffer the loss of those special grandchildren, the only link left of their adult child.

The nature of running BGSG is that you know every time the phone rings there will be someone on the other end suffering, and you prepare yourself for that, and I will never, ever understand the cruelty that is imposed on so many.

What drives family members to cause so much destruction?

The answer is we will never know.

To suffer the living bereavement of estrangement and alienation is dreadful, to have to suffer this double bereavement is ……

Actually I can’t finish that sentence, as I have no words.

I will leave you to think of a word yourselves.

About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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