When we find ourselves estranged from our grandchildren it eats you up inside, you start to think of ways that you can get to see them.

Desperate people do desperate things.

What can be the harm in sitting outside their house in the car, going to the park you know they like to go to or going to their school, just for that small glimpse of the ones we miss beyond words.

We need to be able to tell them we still love them, that we have not forgotten them and that we are always here for them.

What I would say is just stop a minute.

Please put yourselves into their shoes, they have found themselves in this horrible and confusing place, people saying things about others that don’t feel quite right, but if they ask, for some reason that a child can’t understand, they get into trouble.

You may well for a fleeting moment catch their eye, even have a short conversation with them, and feel so thrilled to have had that moment. But it is not about us, it is about the children.

Put the children first, just think what effect it has on them, they are already struggling with all of this going on in their young lives, allow them to be free to be children, not to have to take the burden of adult conflict on their shoulders.

It can affect them in one of two ways, firstly they tell the resident parent that they have seen you and what you have said, they get shouted at for even mentioning you or they know that it will cause a problem for them so they say nothing, they keep their ‘secret’ which in itself is disturbing.

Of course it is unbelievably painful to think that our grandchildren might think we don’t love them anymore, that we don’t care, my experience is that children never forget, but they have to live the life they are faced with in whatever way they can.

I would never tell anyone what to do, but I will say please just think about what your actions might do.

Put yourselves into the children’s shoes.

Jane