Everyone who is estranged from a family member will know that we spend vast amounts of time and energy thinking about what we did wrong?
Once we accept that none of us are perfect and that everyone makes mistakes, and we begin to recognise that it is not us that are the problem, someone else is the problem.
We can in no way control the behaviour of others but we can control ours.
As a parent we try our best in brining up our children, there is no rule book it is generally instinctive, sometimes we will be told by adult children that our best wasn’t good enough.
If we are told often enough that we are no good we will believe it, so we have to start to build up our own self esteem.
As a child I was constantly told by my father that I was useless, not very bright and good job I was a girl because I could just get married and do the housework! Goodness how things have changed.
So, yes, I did believe I was useless, if I am honest, still do sometimes, it doesn’t take much to rock the boat.
When contact was stopped with my granddaughter I blamed myself, thought it was something I had done to cause it to happen.
Again, sometimes I do still think that.
Following on from my last few posts, what can we do to regain our self esteem that has been so bruised and battered?
To turn a negative into a positive takes time, patience and courage.
We need to affirm our worth.
One way of doing that is to work on personal affirmations.
Thinking about yourself, always start with ‘I am…….., for example.
I am a good person.
I am valued.
I am making a difference.
The list can be endless, but think of just one and whenever those negative thoughts start popping inside your head, say your affirmation, not just once but over and over again.
This can be just one step towards healing.
“Healing doesn’t mean that the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls your life”. Akshay Dubey.