Recently I was shocked to hear a founder of an organisation who was talking about estrangement and grandparents, say ” Whenever there is an item on TV, Radio or articles they wheel out the same old grandparents, playing the victim.”

I nearly threw something at the radio.

How dare anyone describe grandparent that way, when they have no idea who they are and no idea what it means to be on the receiving end of estrangement.

Of course the whole topic is by its nature a very emotive subject.

There are those who have decided to separate from a family member or in- law, who may well have very good reasons to do so, and then those who are the ones being kept apart from family.

I always add the caveat that there are certain circumstances, if proven, that separation is the only way.

Listening and reading the opposing sides, will always cause controversy.

I wonder what is really meant by the word victim, in these circumstances.

I do think that sometimes we get so engulfed by the hurt and pain that we may come across as victims.

To continually go over and over the whys and ifs is not helpful.

I for one don’t intend to be a victim.

I have had no contact with my grandchild now for nearly 10 years, and it hurts deeply, but I can do nothing about it. It is what it is, being revengeful or bitter will achieve nothing at all.

These words seem very poignant, ” Don’t let your struggles become your identity.”

Jane.