Hate is a word I rarely use, and I don’t think I have ever hated anyone.It is a word that was used in conversation with a grandparent this week, she said, “My grandchildren are being taught how to hate.”

It has given me food for thought, and I wonder if that is true?

Adult children who make the decision to prevent a relationship with grandchildren and grandparents do they really hate their own parents or in-laws?

As a parent to believe that your children actually hate you, and are passing on that emotion to the grandchildren is deeply worrying and so painful.

Every grandparent that I talk to or email, always say, “Why, has this happened?”

Of course I can’t answer that question.

What I do know is that one thing keeps coming up in conversation and interestingly in comments from those who are alienating, yes I do occasionally receive comments from them, the same word is used.

Money.

In many cases grandparents have been denied contact when they are asked for money and have been unable to give any. As parents we try and help our children any way we can, because thats what parents do, and certainly in recent years grandparents have helped out financially, as and when they can. When you are on a fixed income, as most grandparents are, it is not infinite. It is not a bottomless pit, it is definitely true that when grandparents are asked for yet more money, if they have to say,”No” that can be the catalyst.

We do live in a society that expects.

Adult children expect their parents to keep giving them money.

As I have said, I also get comments from people who are the ones denying contact, and the majority of them talk about the fact that their parents are ‘mean,’ and until they get what they have asked for they won’t let them see the grandchildren.

I despair.

Are the grandchildren being told their grandparents are mean and won’t help their Mum and Dad?

Which takes me back to the title of this blog, are the grandchildren being taught how to hate?

Hate is horrible in any terms, it is destructive in every way.

When we live this world of instability, our families should be the ones who are coming together to provide stability for the children, we can see all around us what hate can do. It causes infighting, distrust, jealousy and resentment.

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, none of us are perfect, we make mistakes, all we do is to try our best, allow us to be imperfect.

Adult children who are taking decisions that are not in the best interest of children, are also parents, they make mistakes, they are not perfect just like us.

The children who are being denied a loving and caring relationship with their grandparents will also be parents, they will make mistakes and be imperfect.

Hate is not a word that should be used, without the full definition and consequence understood.

Children learn from us, learn from our behaviour and will treat others the way they have witnessed.

 

Jane