How often do we hear the phrase, “In the child’s best interest?”, and how many people reading this will be saying, ” I don’t think so.”

Many of you have been through the legal route attempting to get a child arrangement order, some of you will have gone through the legal route because you apparently have caused harassment because you send cards and birthday presents.

Solicitors letters  drop through thousands of letterboxes every day, containing false allegations, warnings ect. Non resident parents and grandparents are bombarded by the most awful lies made against them, and there appears to be no way to refute them.

So whilst all this is going on, what are the children thinking, how is this conflict affecting them?

Who if anyone is putting the children first?

I would say, certainly  no-one who is in authority.

Children are left wondering, are having their stability rocked and their security taken from them. They have done nothing to instigate the wrong doing by the adults in their lives. The children just want to be loved and cared for, to have both parents in their lives to continue to have a loving relationship with their grandparents and all their extended family.

As parents we have a responsibility to ‘parent’ our children, that means to look after them, to help them grow, to enable them in everyway we can. There is no greater responsibility we will ever have.

It is not ok, to use the children as weapons, no parent has that right.

Children do and will make their own choices at some stage in their lives, if they decide that they have been mistreated by being kept apart from a parent or grandparent it is them who turn their backs on whoever has lied to them.

As I have written so many times before, we may not get on with all our family members, but we don’t have the right to ruin children’s lives using them in conflict and angst or to try and influence the way a child feels about someone, by painting them as a ‘bad’ person.

For those of you who live everyday , fearful that the children will think you have forgotten them, or thinking you don’t love them anymore, I know that the children will never forget. Just at this moment in time they have to use their own strategies to survive, they have their own life to lead, to grow as individual people, to plan for their future.

A future when they will be free to decide for themselves.

They know that you are all there for them, just waiting.

Jane