Those of us who are experiencing the trauma of the loss of a loving and caring relationship with our grandchildren, need to look after ourselves.

I know from speaking to thousands of grandparents over the last eight years, the enormous impact that the hurt and pain has, both physically and mentally.

It is easy to write, but not so easy to put into practise.

We can and do become totally immersed in the awfulness of it all, every waking moment is taken up thinking about it.

Asking ourselves questions, questions that we have no way of answering.

I think we have to accept that life is unfair, unfair things happen to everyone. Is it possible that if we accept that life is unfair that we can then face up to it?

Of course what is unfair to one person is absolutely fair to another.

I, like everyone, spend hours asking why do we find ourselves in this situation, why has a family member made the decision to hurt us beyond words, I of course don’t know.

Each relationship is unique, one problem is that both parties think they are right.

Any form of conflict is irrational, so to try and think of it in a rational way is fruitless. We can go on and on going round and round in ever decreasing circles, but where does it get us?

Nowhere.

Getting angry and upset has no affect on those who are causing this pain, the only people who are affected is ourselves.

So is there a way of healing ourselves, to a degree?

You will know how I have always waffled on about helping others  and I do really believe that it is one way of starting that healing. The process of allowing yourself to listen and think of someone else absolutely works, I think the secret is to start that help and support before we start to descend  into that black spiral of depression and sadness. This world needs more care and compassion, ok so someone has not shown us any but that makes it even more important that we are the ones to hold out a hand to steady someone else.

If we can reach the end of the day, thinking we have made a difference to someone, then we have achieved something really special.

Each and every one of us have something to give, we are all valued we have a part to play in this world. We have been given the gift of life it is up to us to live it in the best way we can.

Today sit down and write a list of how you would like to be, and then write another one how you think you are. Ask a trusted friend to look at both lists,and ask them what they think you are like, you will be surprised I think. You are very likely the person you want to be already! Maybe after a couple of changes!

Jane.